I have a very absurd character. I myself know this, and everyone was talking about it from my childhood. I could not get along with my parents, my brother, nor with neighbors, nor with classmates. When he grew up, he began to take care of the girls, literally on the second or third meeting he began to tell them like compliments, but in fact nasty things, and they left me.
I got married at 29, my wife did not understand at all what I was saying – bad, good, she just wanted a family, and so they got married. How I mocked her – the mind is incomprehensible, but she did not understand anything, silently listens and go to do her own affairs. Only I treated my daughters well, I could deal with them for hours, my shutdowed them, hesitated, they seemed to warm my soul.
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We continue to read history.
I did not consider myself so bad, I just won’t be lucky in my childhood, neither my mother nor dad love me, but they just suffered because I was born. I told me once at 5 years old. True, then she cried and began to hug, but I was just like a glance from that moment.
And this is how my life was reaching until 46 years old, I already got used to it that I would live alone alone with the world, my daughter has grown up, my wife was completely blessed, and suddenly… That’s it, all fairy tales begin with this “suddenly”. My wife told me that she was leaving me. Last year I met a man in the country, he is generally a visitor, and she leaves for him, because she was tired of being unloved.
I was hit like a lightning, even darkened in my eyes. I yelled at her, hit and drove it out into the street. He threw the coat out the window and she left. It was evening, my daughter was just in this cottage, and I roared like a bear and my wife threw things from the closet to the floor. And he jumped that he saw notebooks in the box: three were connected by a rope, and one separately. I grabbed her, began to read, and this is the diary of his wife. There she wrote about me and to herself that I climbed over the very first. Then he cried so much that, I thought, the heart attack.
In the first notebook and in the latter – as if generally about different people. It turns out that she loved me so, everything understood that I mocked her, but still loved. Then she gradually began to cool, then she just endured, because her daughters grew up, and now he writes about an animal in a zoo – it is interesting to observe, but it is impossible to live with him.
I ran to my friends and relatives, I looked for my wife all night, but I did not find. She was not at the dacha either, she didn’t return home. Only after 4 days came. In the afternoon when I was at work. She explained to her daughters that she was leaving, that they would grow up and come to her, but while she herself has a lot of tests, she does not want to subject them to hardships. And disappeared.
For a year now, as she has not been, only sometimes calls her daughters, and then they tell me that she is fine. Although I don’t know if all calls are talking about and whether everyone is telling from a conversation.
I already hit religion alone, and spoke to the grandmothers, and turned to the sorcerer. No one promises me to turn my wife or calm to me. All in one voice: sinned – answer. Yes, I myself understand that it is to blame for the sins of my parents to dump is the simplest, but it is much more difficult to build yourself. But, honestly, I try, whatever I do. All the time with people, all the time I do something for someone, they praise me, thank me.
And despite everything that happened to me, for my whole life, it seems to me that something in me began to change. Although they say that the character after 15 years is no longer corrected, I feel that the world has become different, which means that I began to understand it differently. And all the misfortunes that happened to me began to take with pain, but calm, or rather, peace, utilities. It should have been to me, and it became. But this will pass, and I will become new. The wife will return or will be someone else, but I will not be today – that’s the new world, a new life. Thus I live.
Ivan
From letters to the magazine “Social Protection”